Hello and Welcome!

Zoo Tycoon 2 is a pretty old game that has entertained many housebound people, small children and college students with little to no taste in videogames. It is supposed to be a game about building and running a zoo, and every facet was designed to be as educational as possible. Where are the animals from? What do they eat? What do they do for fun? How much space do they need? Do adult women prefer pretzels or popcorn? Do gazelles care if they are having a child with their own daughter?

Of course, I say it is supposed to be a zoo game because like any of these simulation games, the first thing the fans did was find ways to have fun while completely avoiding the intentions of the game. Hundreds of T-rexes have been released on guests. Particularly contrarian guests have been placed in cages until they understand what they've done. Animals and guests have been renamed things like "Cockflipping Asspotatoes" or "Genetic Mistake."

However, in addition to being an amusing mass death simulator, Zoo Tycoon 2 has opened up another possibility with the otherwise rather useless Photo Safari mode. This game gives the player the capacity to see directly into the guest's minds, take pictures of them, and track their every move. Zoo Tycoon 2 can be used for mercilessly stalking guests in the creepiest manner possible, since it is impossible for the victims to even know you're there. As a result, instead of raking up gazelle poop, you can pretend to be the kind of person who stands at the entrance of a Trader Joe's with a spy camera and a trained gaze that will only recognize yoga pants.

Or, to put it another way, someone spent all that time building models and skins. We are here now to appreciate them in the silliest way possible. Look out, real women, it's time to gaze on the ladies of Zoo Tycoon 2.