Debra Watches the Lemurs

After she had unlocked the inner mysteries of the camel, Debra glided over to the lemur exhibit, as if four cherubs had suspended her on a cloud. The beginning of a smile was visible on her face. I paused the game to take a moment to breathe. Unfortunately, all this did was freeze her in her transition to bliss, which had the effect of both warming my body temperature and causing me to feel guilt from delaying her eventual happiness. I don't know if words or phrases or combinations of the two can even describe the feelings I have for you, Debra.

Do you like the lemurs, Debra? I would buy you peacocks but we aren't allowed to buy any animals in this campaign. If I could buy you peacocks, Debra, I would be broke and you would be lying contentedly on a bed of colorful plumage. Lemurs are a popular exhibit, most people like to watch them shuffle around with their tails upright like the unholy cross between a scorpion, a squirrel and the sides of a Sephora makeup bag. I only ask because I know you, Debra, and you aren't like most people. However, I also know you are not the type to judge rashly. You can not only see the light at the end of the tunnel, you are the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh Debra, you would make a far more fascinating exhibit than those commonplace lemurs. How many ring-tailed lemurs are there, anyway? Over ten thousand? In contrast, there is only one Debra, who is possibly one of the rarest endangered species in the world. It would be foolish to try and contain her, though; one cannot capture a Debra. Not in spirit, not in form. Surely the tides would stop if one attempted to ensnare this rare and mysterious creature.

Look, Debra, here I am, performing the duties of a zookeeper. I own the zoo, I run the zoo, and I can do every job in the zoo, from cleaning up poo to taking out the trash. Is your boyfriend a zookeeper? I only ask because I see you talking on your phone, but for only three seconds at a time. If your conversations are that short, then it can't be going too well, can it, Debra? I bet he doesn't even like the zoo. He didn't accompany you, did he? Do you feel like no one understands you, Debra? I do. Look around you, Debra. I own it. All of it. I could give you the entire zoo. All of those mysteries and wonders and fantasies that nature has to offer. I could give them to you, Debra, and I would still be in your debt.